The Mother

Agenda

Volume 13

July 26, 1972

(In an attempt to bring the book distribution in line, Mother, on Satprem's suggestion, asked a young teacher from the school to be in charge of the copyright department. Mother first speaks of this young teacher.)

He's discovering skeletons!

Poor M. [All India Press director], he was so upset!

Naturally, for he isn't the real culprit in all this, you know, it's the other one behind, SABDA.

Oh, that's....

And that's why he is hurt – because he's more receptive. The other one is penned up in his falsehood...

The other one is a NO! (Mother makes the gesture of something compact.)

Anyway....

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*   *

(Mother looks for something near her.)

I had something I wanted to show you... (Mother does not find it). I don't know, I thought I had kept some things for you, but I don't know where they are now.

You know, this (Mother sweeps a hand across her forehead) is almost emptiness itself. There's nothing here (forehead) — nothing. When I am perfectly quiet and still (Mother raises a finger upward), some things come (gesture above), some things get done or straightened out – it takes place above. When I am like that, after a while a whole world of things gets done, gets organized, but it's... (what can I say?) it's another kind of reality, a more... substantial reality. How is it more substantial? I don't know. Matter seems... unsubstantial compared to that. Unsubstantial, opaque, unreceptive. Whereas that is....

The funny part is that people think I am asleep! I don't at all sleep. That's how I spend my nights: a Force at work.

And I am conscious... but it's hard to put in words. Words are... words distort. Really a new kind of consciousness is developing – how will it express itself? I have no idea.

So people are convinced that I am asleep, that I am deaf, that... and on top of it all, I can barely speak (laughing) – so I must have become an old.... I hardly belong to the old world anymore, so the old world says: she's finished – I couldn't care less!

Yes, I should think so!

I am telling you because I can tell you things.

But it's probably better this way.

The trouble is, I am becoming an object of curiosity; that's a problem because.... A host of people come flocking here just for that: an object of curiosity.

But there's this odd thing: for EVERYTHING, for everything I do – for instance, I still take my bath, I try to eat (it's the most difficult – VERY difficult), for everything... (Mother stops short).

I wanted to tell you something, but it's gone.

Maybe it was not meant to be said.

Yes, you are obviously impelled by something else.

Yes, yes, that's right. Exactly.

So much so that sometimes, just after doing something, I wonder.... I suddenly ask myself, “Did you do this?” – and I've just done it!

That's how it is.

Yes, I quite understand. But when you act in that other, more substantial matter, how does it find its way into this old matter here? How is your organization up there communicated here?

(silence)

I don't know, there's almost an interdiction to speak; because whenever I try to express something, I suddenly find myself before a blank.

Yes, I can understand why.

Everything conspires to give the impression that I am falling apart.

Yes, but that doesn't matter!

Provided somebody knows it to be untrue is what counts – YOU know.

But still, a good number of people here, though not knowing, feel that way.

Oh?

More than you think.

Ah, the Force is tremendous, mon petit!

Those physically nearest to you are not necessarily those who feel it.

Yes, I know – because they just see this appearance, which is not so.... I tell you: I do things, and I don't know how I do them. There's a kind of.... Oh, but the most fascinating field of experience is food 11 am not hungry, I don't feel like eating, food doesn't interest me by any means, yet they bring me my meal, and I “have” to eat – sometimes I eat (always in small quantity), but since I don't move and don't work, I don't need material energy, so I don't need to eat much, and I don't think I am losing weight (Mother touches her arms).

No, apparently not.

Apparently not, therefore....

But you aren't heavy! [laughter]

Oh, I've never been heavy!

But it's truly interesting, because I don't at all feel like eating, I am not interested in it, and yet something FORCES me to eat – not much, but it says, “Eat.”

The same with speech. Things are so clear, there is such a clear vision! (gesture above the head) When I am silent and quiet for hours, SO MUCH work is being done, and everywhere at the same time (universal gesture).... But I can't express it.

This incapacity to speak is also rather special....

(long silence)

There are so many things I would like to tell you. But a kind of will bars me from speaking. So I....

Yes, I understand the danger of mentalizing things. I really understand. It's dangerous.

Oh, but mon petit, the mind is gone.

No, I mean mentalizing by expressing things.

Yes, exactly. It distorts.

We must be patient.

This (Mother points to the garlands of “Patience” around her wrists) is symbolic. Repeatedly it's: patience, patience, patience.

But the others, too, must be patient. And you, you must be very patient.

Yes, Mother.

Very patient – do you want my patience? (Mother slips her garland around Satprem's wrist). And she too (to Sujata): tell me, do you want my patience? (Mother gives another garland) Here.

(silence)

So what do you think could help you? Would you like some silence?...

Oh, that's....

...or would you rather ask me questions?

(Mother plunges in)